so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
