guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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