so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
