I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
