Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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