I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I want her autograph on my taint
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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