"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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