So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
