I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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