apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I had to cum in my sink.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
