That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
