just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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