Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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