I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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