Cold hands, warm shart.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
