so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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