It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
