So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
