I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
