Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
