I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
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