she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My breasts were aching with rage.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
