Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
