Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
