Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
