I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
