Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
