I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
