he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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