apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
