We need to rekindle our bromance
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
