We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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