Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
