What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
