Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
