I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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