My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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