I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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