WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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