Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
