She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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