I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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