You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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