so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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