woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
What a dumb baby whore.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
How does one acquire holy water?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
