But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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