six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
