btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
