I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
