when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
