yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
