Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
