i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
